Portfolio roasts gallery
Legendary investors review real portfolios. Browse the latest roasts, then get one for yours.
Roast my portfolio
Roasted by Ray Dalio
6/10Ray Dalio Roasts Your 75/20/5 Portfolio: A Clean Machine with Flaws
VWRP · VAGS · IWFV · IGL5
5 assets · 0% cash
Roasted by Ray Dalio
3/10Ray Dalio Roasts a 3/10 Portfolio with 508 Percent in Cricut
CRCT · CSGLDC.SW · CHDVD.SW · C001.DE
49 assets · 3.6% cash
Roasted by Ray Dalio
7.5/10Ray Dalio Roast: Why Your All-Weather Machine Needs More Risk Parity
$VT · $GLD · $KMLM · $BND
4 assets · 0% cash
Roasted by Ray Dalio
4/104 reasons Ray Dalio warns this doom-prepared portfolio will fail
GLD · BIL · TIPS · TLT
8 assets · 21% cash
Roasted by Ray Dalio
3.5/10Stagflation Risk: Dalio Roasts Your Defensive Yield Portfolio Trap
VNQ · KDP · DGE.L · BATS.L
10 assets · 4.3% cash
Roasted by Ray Dalio
3/10Utilities Overdose: Ray Dalio Flays Your Fragile Danish Portfolio
NOVO-B.CO · NEE · FORTUM.HE · IBE.MC
9 assets · 6.2% cash
Portfolio roasts — frequently asked questions
What is a portfolio roast?
A portfolio roast is an AI-powered review of your investment portfolio written in the voice of a legendary investor. It analyzes your asset allocation, sector and geographic concentration, diversification, red flags, and competitive moats, then delivers a verdict scored out of 10 — across an introduction, deep analysis, red flags, and final verdict.
How much does a portfolio roast cost?
Nothing to start. Every account comes with a pool of AI analyses included, and a roast runs on that pool: no credit card, no subscription, and no brokerage account linking. You type in each holding's quantity (the buy price is optional) or import a statement from your broker, and get a full AI analysis you can share at a public URL. If you use the pool up, more AI is the one thing in PortfolioGlance you can pay for; tracking and analytics stay free.
Which investors can roast my portfolio?
Twelve legendary investor personas, each analyzing through their own philosophy: Warren Buffett (value investing), Stanley Druckenmiller (global macro), Cathie Wood (disruptive innovation), Nancy Pelosi (legislative alpha), Ray Dalio (macro / risk parity), Michael Burry (contrarian deep value), Jim Simons (quantitative), Michael Saylor (Bitcoin maximalism), Kevin O'Leary (cashflow & dividends), Bill Ackman (activist / concentrated), Peter Lynch (growth at a reasonable price), and Howard Marks (risk & market cycles). You can also pick one of six investing-style personas if you would rather be judged by a style than by a name.
Is my financial data private?
Yes. A roast never shows monetary amounts, only allocation percentages, asset classes, and tickers. You don't link a brokerage or bank account: you type in your holdings yourself or import a statement.